"Parts-Missing" Dog

I am not alone

2010-01-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I went to the boarder for a couple of days while my owners went out of town. I usually have a good time there although the time before some bitch got all up in my business and I had to put her in her place. I got written up for that, but the kind people did note that that bitch was having a tough time adjusting and was up in the grill of a lot of other dogs, too. I just don't put up with that shit! Know what I mean? Anyway. Oh and there was the one other time I was there for two weeks and got kennel cough - that sucked. But other than those things, I like the place just fine.

So, this past weekend I get dropped off and the folks there are all excited, because they have a surprise for me. Another three legged pit-bull type breed named Captain Jack. He's a white. I mean he has white hair. He's missing a front leg as well. We became fast friends. When I say we became fast friends I mean I climbed up on this ramp type thing to survey the dog scene and he followed me and was mounting me even before my owner had left. That stopped pretty quickly. After that "bonding moment" we had good times.

Today it is freeze-your-balls-off-if-you-haven't-been-neutered cold. Yesterday it was the same and my owner and I stayed inside all day. That was fine, I was tired from the busy weekend, but I was getting bored. Today, my owner took me back to the boarder for some free play while he got some stuff done outside the house. Who was still there? Captain Jack! Yeah! Turns out he is still being boarded there while his owner is on vacation. (Glad to hear he has a nice owner.) Then the people tell me there is ANOTHER three legged dog in the house. She is a super sweet black lab missing a front leg as well. She doesn't have a family unfortunately, but she has been living with her missing leg long enough that it isn't a problem. I won't get to play with her as she is new to the place and not quite as rough and tumble as the rest of the gang, but it is good to see other dogs like me.

All right - break's over. I have some more butts to sniff and bitches to chase. Catch ya again soon!

A Hunting We Will Go

2009-10-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

Apollo went with the family to the north woods of Wisconsin where he ran into some trouble. A couple of times. Read the post below.

Apollo's Big Adventure

Windows are for Cats

2009-10-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

How tough is Apollo? Apparently tough enough to stick his head through a window pane and emerge unscathed.

The other day Apollo was participating in his favorite indoor pastime - running laps tracking squirrels. He is pretty smart because he knows that when he loses site of them in the backyard and they are running up the side of the house that they will soon appear in the front yard. Well, when he came to the front window to follow a squirrel he was surprised and very excited to discover a CHIPMUNK!

He LOVES chipmunks. He loves to chase them up the downspout where they spin their wheels trying to get up the slippery aluminum and they chirp like crazy. A always swears Apollo has trapped a bird up there, but birds are too smart. And they fly.

Standing in the kitchen, I hear the sound of breaking glass and Apollo running back to the TV room. What the hell!? I run into the living room looking for a broken vase or lamp and at first don't see anything. Then I see the shards of glass in front of the window, but all the panes look intact. Upon closer inspection I see the middle pane missing. He had busted the pane clean out.

Here he is surveying the damage - you can see glass still in the sill.

Next thing I know he is running back into the living room. I grab his collar and wrestle him to sit and start to frantically check paw and face for glass. Nothing! Not a cut. Not a scratch. I have a frickin' Kevlar dog!

While I pet him to calm him down before I put him in the kennel so I can clean up he looks up at me with this look like, "What? You didn't think that window was going to stop me now, did you? I mean really, look at the size of my frickin' head! Windows are for cats!"

The glass is being replaced today with reinforced laminated glass. If that doesn't stop him I may be the first person to install an invisible fence INSIDE their house. Who am I kidding? That wouldn't stop him either.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

2009-08-05T08:40:00.001-07:00

Apollo continues to eat random items around the house. He is on watch number four (or five, I lost count.) Here is the latest victim:

This is the second time he has chewed this one. The watch is metal and came with rubber band and that band was gone in a couple of weeks. I had to get this crappy velcro band because it's the only one that fit. He did this little number on it this morning. I have no idea what he has against time.

I can kind of understand this next victim. The kids got a Wii for Christmas from my mom. I thought I might like to play it, but I really haven't been that interested. The kids love it! Apparently, Apollo is a little aggravated that you need two hands to play Duck Hunt because he ate one of the nunchucks.

Let this be a lesson to you Nintendo, make your games universally accessible or I will send my three-legged dog to eat your nunchucks.

Apollo HATES Halloween!

2009-06-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

And frankly, so do I. The other day he got into the storage area above the garage (it has open stairs) and found a plastic pumpkin. chewed the stem off before the kids got it away from him.

A couple days later I found the dismembered remains of a creepy jack-o-lantern clown figure strewn around the yard as if put there by some mystery halloween decoration serial killer. I had a very difficult/amusing time separating Apollo from the overall-clad body. (It's shaped like a ball - Apollo can't resist balls or buckets.)

The Pain of Owning a Dog

2009-06-12T07:38:00.001-07:00

A couple of days ago my calf was sore. I rubbed it to try to loosen it up. Just touching it made it hurt worse. Then I had my foot up on the table and I saw this:

The day before, Apollo and I had been playing in the backyard and he came tearing around our big tree and smashed his cement truck size head into my leg. I jokingly told him, "That's gonna leave a mark." Turns out, it did.

Fun and Games

2009-06-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

Apollo has a favorite toy. It's a soccer ball he popped within 24 hours of joining our family.

One of our favorite games to play is called "merry go round."

Good thing he has a strong neck.

Apollo Tries Gardening

2009-06-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

Last week Apollo was enjoying himself in the backyard while I was working in the kitchen. I look out the window to see him fully engaged in chewing "something." I yell at him to stop - which is always effective - and then go out to ask him nicely to drop what he has. This, of course, is the "go" signal to play keep away from me. I was able to see what he had - gardening shears.

Then the other day, I caught him checking out my roses. By "checking out" I mean trying to bite them off. He eventually got one.

I should probably have known he had a "green paw" when, this past spring, I found him in a couple of planters digging the dirt out.

Finally, today he decided to try his paw at container gardening. First things first - get a container. He found this planter in the garage and decided to play a few games - his favorite is one I like to call "Bucket Head."

Needless to say, do not let your three legged try his paw at gardening.

Apollo Goes to Boot Camp

2009-04-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

Monday, Apollo will start Doggie Boot Camp. Monday through Friday, from 8:30 AM to 4:30 PM, for four weeks he will be learning how to be a better behaved dog. We decided to do the intensive course because we just can't wait for him to eat a queen sized bed or tear the door off the refrigerator or steal the car. It will be good for him and us.

What Time Is It?

2009-04-28T16:48:00.001-07:00

I don't know, Apollo ate my watch. He didn't just chew it. He ate it. It was a Timex Ironman digital watch - one of a few I own. All that was left was part of the strap, a little button and some random bits of plastic. Of course I became concerned that he ate the battery and this would affect him adversely. After a call to our vet, the animal poison hotline and the emergency vet it was decided he needed an x-ray. So we headed to the emergency vet because if he did need anything removed, they had the endoscopy machine. Apollo proceeded to charm everyone in the clinic. He went off to get his x-ray and came back like he had been on a play date.

Turns out he had nothing in his stomach. Just some gas - duh - the dog cuts 'em like a college frat boy. "Here's $300 dollars, thanks for the anatomy lesson."

Monday Apollo starts "Boot Camp" - four weeks of intensive obedience training. I drop him off at 8:30 and pick him up at 4:30 - Monday thru Friday. In four weeks we should have an obedient parts-missing pooch or he will drive me insane.

Don't Leave Me - EVER!

2009-04-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

Apparently this is what Apollo was telling me when I left for a couple of hours and he chewed up:

One Croc

One large box of Band Aids

One Gladware container

and some Legos that were in the container

One camera case

When I get back from my trip Apollo and I are going to obedience school. Immediately!

I LOVE Steak!

2009-04-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

Mmmmm. Doesn't this look delicious. This, my friends is a bone-in New York Strip steak. Grilled to perfection. Delicious.

Doesn't this dog look terrible? Green, sick, listless.

How did this dog get so sick?

He ate that perfectly grilled steak off of my kitchen counter! That's right. Apollo grabbed one of the steaks I had grilled for dinner off the counter and ate it. In about 30 seconds. Bone and everything.

Needless to say, Apollo is not feeling well. Hopefully he will make it through the night without barfing or having explosive diarrhea. Ugh, dogs!

I Love My Life!

2009-04-13T10:58:00.001-07:00

This picture says enough.

Easter Humiliation at the Hands of My Owners

2009-04-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

It was Easter this past weekend and as per usual, it was time for me to be humiliated by my owners. Look at this:

I mean, I get it. Easter Bunny and everything. Ha, ha. Cute.

But what is up with this?

Why did E put her underpants on my head? I mean, come on. Really?

I had better get a jewel in my crown in dog heaven for putting up so patiently with the Moron Family. Unbelievable! Has anyone seen my dignity? Anyone?

4 AM Workout

2009-03-25T12:15:00.000-07:00

Apollo is officially "my" dog now. This is probably not news to anyone considering how much time I spend with him, but the events of early this morning leave no doubt in my mind.

Four AM and Apollo is up nosing at A since her side of the bed is closest to his bed. I reach over and push him off. A didn't even realize what was happening since she has taken to wearing ear plugs because the dog and I apparently snore too loudly. (She also felt the pea I placed under her side of the mattress.) He wouldn't lay back down and was nosing at the door, which A is now hearing and she rolls over and asks me if he needs to go out. Most nights he will just go back to sleep, but not last night. A asks if I let him out before bed. Now, A stayed up reading a new cookbook until about 11:30 so it would seem that it might be her responsibility to let the dog out before she went to bed, but it is obviously my responsibility, so he is my dog. That, and I walk him, clean up his poop, wrestle with him and he follows me everywhere, so, again, my dog. I also spoil the hell out of him.

4:15 AM and he's too restless so I take him downstairs to let him out. Not entirely awake I fail to check to see if the gate is closed. (A came in after me and put the car in the garage but didn't shut the gate because it was too rainy.) I went to check the weather, heard a bark, looked out the window and saw no dog. THE GATE! I looked out the door, saw the gate was open, saw the guy delivering the paper driving slowly up the block and saw my dog running along side.

I ran out onto the driveway in my underpants to call the damn dog home. I quickly learned that I was wearing two different slippers when I almost broke my ankle. I also learned that a cold front had moved in making it about 35 degrees and it was drizzling.

I saw the dog behind a tree illuminated by a street light and I called his name in that ridiculously ineffective "loud whisper." His head popped around the tree and looked at me. I took one step to go after him, he reared up on his back legs and gave me the "dog finger." That was a lie - he didn't rear up or give me the "dog finger," but he did turn and run in the opposite direction. DAMN IT! What to do? Run after him as is? No. Now I have to get in the car and find this little jerk on our dimly lit street.

I throw on a pair of pants and what I think was a shirt and some matching shoes, grab the keys and get in the car. Wait. What's missing here? Oh yeah, any comments from or about my wife. Why? Because she had her ear plugs in and was sleeping soundly while I am pounding up and down the stairs to our bedroom and then peeling out of the driveway.

I make one loop of the neighborhood with no luck and then circle back around. Approaching the paper guy, I see the dog. He is accompanying the delivery guy. You fickle jerk! Apollo hears me call and sees the car and is all excited because, hey, car trips are fun. NOT THIS ONE! I hoisted him by the scruff and put him in back and we drove home.

He climbed into his bed and I climbed back into mine. I was too tired to try to make it to swimming anymore.

7:05 E shows up in our room ready for breakfast. A looks at me, "I thought you went swimming." She was completely clueless about EVERYTHING! MY DOG!

I Love My Balls

2009-03-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

Just to clarify - Apollo has been "altered," so I am not talking about those. He does love anything that is round and "ball-like." So far, in the short amount of time we have had him, he has worked over a baseball, soccer ball, several tennis balls, balled up socks, balled up gloves, a number of ball-shaped dog toys and a ball of barbed-wire (I just made that up, but it sure seems like he would have a good time if I had a ball of it lying around.) His latest spherical obsession - a golf ball.

On one level this may be the perfect toy for him. He can chew on it like crazy and not totally destroy it in half an hour. It's easy to clean and it's compact. The drawback - I guess he could conceivably swallow it. He did some pretty good work on it already.

I am considering letting him chew on every golf ball I have plus all my clubs and my golf shoes. That way I would have a legitimate and convenient excuse for not playing, instead of my current lame and barely defensible excuse, "I really hate golf."

Dog Toy Surgery

2009-03-16T12:43:00.000-07:00

I had to do some surgery on one of the dog's toys.

Apparently he doesn't like anything to have four legs.

The thread I used is a kevlar fishing line. That should hold. He already worked his way through one of the other "legs" - so, more surgery in the future. I also had to fix his Wubba because he chewed the top ball off. He loves to play, but he is such a nibbler and he works at something until he gets all the way through. I will never buy him a toy with a squeaker because he would have that thing out in a second. Maybe I should just buy him a brick to play with or give him the snowblower.

Like a Freight Train

2009-03-15T13:18:00.000-07:00

Apollo snores, that has been established. Now, you can see for yourself. A has to try to sleep with me on one side of her and this on the other.

Apollo's First Essay

2009-03-10T07:21:00.000-07:00

F wrote an essay about Apollo. Complete with illustration. Look carefully, the dog is drawn accurately with only three legs.

"Parts-Missing" Barbie

2009-03-08T10:38:00.000-07:00

Apollo apparently feels the same about Barbie as I do. He thinks she is too perfect. So he took it upon himself to make some alterations. First he had to soften her up a little bit.

Then he decided, "Hey, I'm missing a leg, you owe me a hand, you plastic strumpet."

Voila, "Parts-missing" Barbie

(No tears were shed during this activity. E is kind of over the Barbie phase. The hand was rescued but could not be reattached - in other words, Apollo did not swallow the hand.)

Final note: This all took place in about a minute and I captured it only because my camera happened to be sitting right there. This type of behavior will not be encouraged or tolerated in the future.

Lazy Dog

2009-03-06T18:49:00.001-08:00

Apollo spends a lot of time lying on the sofa next to me as I work. E took advantage of him being lazy this afternoon and got some good pictures of him being himself. Enjoy!

"Zzzzz"

"Huh? Wha? What do you want?"

"So sleepy. Must lie still."

"What's that!? Is that a squirrel!?"

Apollo Loves Snowballs

2009-03-06T18:41:00.001-08:00

Apollo loves to jump and catch snowballs in his mouth, but his favorite thing to do is to stomp them to bits with his one front paw.

(Sorry about the jerky camera work.)

Yet ANOTHER New Toy

2009-03-05T13:15:00.000-08:00

The hemp bone I got for Apollo didn't last long. He picked a nub and ate right through. I need to take it to a shoe repair place to see if they can sew the living daylights out of it so he can't chew through it as easily. I have been looking for a toy with very specific details. He really likes the kids stuffed animals so, it must be fuzzy, it must be able to be chewed like crazy, it must not have any squeakers. I looked online and found some, but I demand immediate satisfaction, so I stopped by another pet shop in the area to see if they had anything. Boy, did they ever. Apollo is the proud owner of this:

He has taken an immediate shine to it. Don't believe me? Here is how he likes to play with it:

And here is how he is after:

Wild Saturday

2009-02-28T17:59:00.000-08:00

Took Apollo over to my sister's to meet her dogs Comet and Daisy. They are both about six years old and, frankly, kind of fat. Apollo, with three legs, ran them ragged. They all got along after a couple of tussels. Apollo had a great time. He ran his butt off. I put some rubber booties on him because he has been hobbling around with a frozen paw when he is outside. Apparently the crazy running kept his feet warm because he ran out of two boots and didn't hobble around at all. For only having three legs that dog is fast and loves to run. Good boy, Apollo.

Another thing the dog likes to eat

2009-02-26T15:54:00.000-08:00

The Snow Blower

Hemp Dog

2009-02-26T11:39:00.000-08:00

I got Apollo a toy made from hemp thinking he would have a difficult time chewing the daylights out of it. He is smitten with it. He loves to work one leg until it's good and wet and then move to another. However, I am concerned that he might love it all a little too much. He seems to go back to it again and again. He gets agitated when he can't find it. After he has chewed on it for awhile he gets really lazy, lays on the rug and smiles and then laughs uncontrollably at nothing. And he eats like every meal is his last. Maybe I should stop buying dog toys at a head shop (not that I know what that is.)

Stunt Puppy

2009-02-25T06:41:00.000-08:00

When I went to Bone Adventure - one of the three or four times on the day we got Apollo - I asked about a new collar and leash for him. The collar I got him at PetSmart was too big and the leash was a little long and cumbersome. Bone Adventure recommended a collar and leash from Stunt Puppy. They are a Minnesota company and I am very impressed with their products. The collar and leash are made from Tech Tape - the same nylon webbing material used in climbing harnesses. It is really soft and very strong.

The collar has some great features. They use Duraflax buckles instead of the typical belt-buckle style. It is easy to get on and off and is still very secure. They also provide two D-rings. One is sewn in close to the buckle and one is opposite on the collar and secured by another Duraflex buckle and can be adjusted along the collar. The ring by the buckle I use for his tags, while the other I use to clip his leash. The collar is fully adjustable so it makes it easy to make larger or smaller depending on the time of year.

The leash is equally well thought out. Made of the same material and using Duraflex buckles as well, it is the perfect compliment to the collar. The clasp used is super easy to get on and off even when I have bulky mittens on. The length of the leash is fully and easily adjustable. It has an additional buckle so you can fasten it around your waist for hands-free walking. I have found it also works well at the coffee shop or grocery store to fasten it securely to a parking bollard or heavy trash can while I run quickly in and out. Apollo stays secure and safe and doesn't get himself all wrapped up. Another nifty feature is the "traffic loop" located close to the clasp, it provides for a very short lead when waiting for traffic, encountering other dogs or any time you need additional control.

These certainly are premium collars and leashes, but in my opinion they are worth it. They are well thought out, well constructed and they look good. Apollo loves his purple set.

Polly Pocket, Chewy Fun

2009-02-25T06:32:00.000-08:00

Apollo dismembered a Polly Pocket this morning. I have to give him credit for not actually eating it. He just chewed on it until is was in little pieces. Once again, a learning opportunity for the kids - don't leave small chewy things laying around or they will be in pieces. I hope he doesn't graduate from chewing small, inanimate people to chewing less-small, animate people - like my kids. Children, let this be a warning.

Attention

2009-02-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

"Who's keyboard do I have to lay on to get some fricking attention in this house? Oh - yours."

My new best friend

2009-02-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

Actually, I have a variety of best friends - they are any one of the kids' stuffed animals. I really like this one though because if you bite it just right it barks "Jingle Bells" over and over and over and over. And over. This is especially entertaining for me at 6:00 AM. Not so entertaining for A. For some reason it doesn't work any more. Apparently my friend is "dog slobber intolerant."

Everybody loves "Spongebob Squarepants"

2009-02-21T10:40:00.001-08:00

Me and F watching cartoons on Saturday morning. The sunshine makes me drowsy.

A Hidden Talent

2009-02-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

So, I have this hidden talent that I busted out on my owner the other day. I mean literally - "busted out."

Some things I like

2009-02-19T13:23:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of things I like to eat.

Little bit of an attitude

2009-02-18T11:35:00.001-08:00

Apollo has been with us for over a week now and he seems to be adjusting. He has also developed a little bit of an attitude. A negative attitude. At last toward the kennel. A tried to get him in today and he would not go. The "treat trick" did not work and there was no way she was going to drag or push him in. He got an hour on his own. Apparently he was trying to write down his impressions of his first week here and got writer's block because A found a chewed pencil when she got home.

He has also decided that anything on the floor is a toy for him. As of now he is very gentle with them, carrying them around gingerly in his mouth and simply playing keep-away. He had E's headband, one of my mittens, F's bookmark and a Bakugan. Looks like we have to keep our stuff picked up better.

New Trick

2009-02-14T17:21:00.001-08:00

My favorite trick that Apollo does is when - you’ll love this - there are a bunch of strangers around, the kids get down on their knees and he starts licking their faces like crazy and then the kids yell “He’s biting my face off! He’s biting my face off!” - Isn’t that precious? (Oh, come on! We do not do that! I am a very careful dog owner and, more importantly, father.)

Apollo's Favorite Movie Line

2009-02-14T17:10:00.001-08:00

Apollo's favorite movie line is from one of my all time favorite movies - Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

Ron Burgundy to Veronica Corningstone: "I wanna be on you."

Yes, Apollo lives that line. I am reaching over his head as it lies on my lap while I type this. And my legs have fallen asleep. And he is snoring.

Settling In

2009-02-12T15:05:00.000-08:00

Well, hasn't Apollo just settled right in? He now barks a little when he hears the door and gets up to lick visitors to death. He has made the center cushion on the sofa his own. And he is now defending the yard from squirrels. We have gotten into a little routine - walk after the kids get on the bus, walk around lunchtime, play with the Kong for awhile, walk after the kids get off the bus, lounge in between. It's good to be the PMD ("Parts-Missing" Dog.)

("I know I saw that squirrel somewhere.")

Dog Dreams Are Funny

2009-02-12T10:10:00.000-08:00

Apollo is a funny/strange dog. When he is tired he will fall asleep instantly - to the point of snoring. He is also a very active dreamer. He is very twitchy and woofy and he has a least a couple of dreams each time he naps. I have been kicked a couple of times when he is sleeping next to me and really gets into it. I love having a dog.

The First Bark

2009-02-12T10:07:00.000-08:00

Apollo finally barked. A single, full-on bark at the painter as he left his bucket at the front door. Good to know he can sound off when he needs/wants to. When the painter came in he was all love and kisses - good boy.

Why!?

2009-02-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

Apollo, why do you wake up at 5 AM? It doesn't bother me much, but A doesn't go back to sleep and then she gets CRABBY. Let's work on that wake-up time.

Kids!

2009-02-12T06:26:00.000-08:00

Kids: "Apollo, come. APOLLO, COME! APOLLO, COME! COME, APOLLO! APOLLO, COME!"

Apollo: (Ignoring kids.)

Me: "Stop yelling at the dog. He is missing a leg, he is NOT deaf."

Our First Night

2009-02-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

This must be said up front - Apollo snores like a freight train! He is so fricking loud. He also has the most amazing dog gas. It will clear a room, but now I have someone to blame my stench on (Good scape goat, Apollo. Good scape goat.) He slept in his crate, after his treat, with no problems. He did get up a little early - 5:00 AM. I was getting up at 5:30 so it wasn't a huge deal, but A can't get back to sleep after she wakes up so she wasn't super happy. We will get that schedule figured out. He is a big dreamer as well. Funny to listen to him twitch and squeak in his sleep. First night down, let's hope each one gets better.

"Parts-Missing" Dog

2009-02-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

We went and visited with our potential new family member - Apollo, the "parts-missing" dog. I know, lots of dogs have "parts" missing, but he is missing an important part. It reminds me of the Thanksgiving dinner when dear, misguided Grandma Olson decided to save a little money and buy a "parts-missing" turkey. Her thought, as well as ours when she announced her find to us, was that the giblets would be missing or a wing or something innocuous like those parts. Ah, weren't we all surprised when the "parts" that were missing were, in fact, some of the best parts - the fricking drumsticks! What a good laugh we have to this day. Ha, ha, ha, ahem. What does this trip down memory lane have to do with a dog? Well, see for yourself.

Apollo is one drumstick short himself. He's a damn fine pooch though. He has the biggest head I have ever seen on a dog his size. Stuck his tongue in my mouth not once, but twice. A really liked him, too. She walked him and he never pulled (I know, how could he with three legs?) He doesn't jump up. We never heard him bark once and by the time we left he was on his back with each of us rubbing his belly. We have the home visit next Tuesday and after that, if the kids are cool with it, we will be the proud owners of our own "parts-missing" dog.